Recently I wrote a writer friend an email saying that I admired her because she was willing to let others read her work, to "put herself out there" so to speak. "That's how you grow as a writer," I told to her.

Then two days later, in a fit of tearful frustration, I moaned to my husband, "I'm tired of putting myself out there. I can't do it anymore."

Perhaps I should be listening to my own advice.

If my emotions are any indication of other writers, we run hot or cold at the snap of a finger.

One hour I'm feeling pretty good about my writing, like I'm qualified to give others advice and happy to keep pursuing the dream of getting published.

Then something simple (an email from my agent in this case) leaves me questioning why I'm even bothering with this hopeless pursuit. I should just keep my writing to myself. No one else cares about my stories the way I do anyway.

While thoughts of being a "closet writer" might console me for a while, the simple truth is that I wouldn't have grown in my craft if I didn't "put myself out there."

Five years ago when I started to write seriously, I didn't have a  writing style of my own and fell into the faux pas that many newby writers make (telling instead of showing, copying my favorite author's style, not utilizing the five senses to describe a scene, etc.).

It was the critique of a trusted friend and my literary agent that molded me into a much, much better writer.

So, as much as I dislike the vulnerable, exposed feeling of "putting myself out there," I will keep doing it because I never want to stop growing as a writer.

It should be noted that my agent did not intend to send me on an I-suck-as-a-writer spiral with her email. As a woman and a writer, I frequently add my own interpretation to other people's words.

My husband is actively working to cure me of this hereditary disease.

The answer is yes.

I'm going to be prefectly honest by admitting that four years ago when I signed with my literary agent, I had visions of getting published immediately and being on the New York Times Bestseller list within three years.

Yeah, really.

Back then I'd read about some authors who'd had to write two or three books before getting published. I never thought that would be my story.

Sadly, it isn't.

I've now written five books. FIVE. And none of them have been published.

Am I a failure? Do I totally suck at this craft? Should I throw in the towel? I mean, what's the point of wasting all those hours, months even, on a story, if it's not going to be published? 

I've asked myself those questions many times over the last four years. However...
 
Here's the upside to not getting published right away: I've discovered my true motivation for writing. It's not for the fame. It's definitely not for the money.

I write because I absolutely LOVE it.

I love creating characters to cheer for, fall in love with, or get irritated at. I love coming up with a crazy, twisting, romantic plot that could so NOT happen in real life. I love the months of hard work and persistence that go into writing an entire novel. And I love watching myself evolve into a better writer. 
 
So I'm still unpublished, but more importantly, I'm still writing!